The longest night
I returned home from the vet dog-less tonight.
Rocky was running a "raging high fever," and had been totally out of it. He blacked out a couple of times, and he didn't touch a single drop of water.
"41 degrees," the vet read off the thermometer. The normal body temperature for a dog is 39 degrees C. "If it goes past 41.5 degrees, he's going to get brain damage."
They put him on a drip in an attempt to bring his temperature down. He's spending the night at the clinic.
***
I've been trying to sleep for two hours now.
I hadn't slept the night before because I'd been up giving Rocky cold baths; he was only slightly feverish at 39.5 degrees C last night, but was already having trouble getting to sleep.
My arms and legs hurt from cradling Rocky for more than an hour in the clinic's waiting room.
My eyes are swollen from crying, at the thought that I might possibly never see him alive again.
But I can't get to sleep, no matter how I try. Every time my eyes close, I am racked with tears.
I've tried everything. I whipped out the Sophie Kinsella book that I'd been reading, and it was about happy wedding stuff. But then someone in the book said something like, "Does she have a cat?" and that made me cry. I went downstairs to fix myself some leftover dinner, thinking that it'd be easier to fall asleep if I were full. But then I saw Rocky's bowls in the kitchen -- his water and dinner untouched -- and I broke down again.
So I'm trying this. I'm trying to see if writing about it will help. If it will help me to stop wanting to be with my dog, to stoppreparing myself for imagining the worst, to stop the nausea that comes with the sobs.
***
He sat quietly on my lap, while we were in the waiting room. That never happens. Other than a diminished stamina, Rocky's like a puppy; he doesn't keep still. Not on my lap, not anywhere.
"It's gonna be okay, hon," I whispered, and gave him a peck on the head. I pulled him a little closer, wanting to cradle him, but afraid to hurt him.
Even as I said it, I didn't know if I said it to comfort him, or to convince myself. Because you know what? I'm not sure at all. I'm not sure if it's going to be okay.
Rocky was running a "raging high fever," and had been totally out of it. He blacked out a couple of times, and he didn't touch a single drop of water.
"41 degrees," the vet read off the thermometer. The normal body temperature for a dog is 39 degrees C. "If it goes past 41.5 degrees, he's going to get brain damage."
They put him on a drip in an attempt to bring his temperature down. He's spending the night at the clinic.
***
I've been trying to sleep for two hours now.
I hadn't slept the night before because I'd been up giving Rocky cold baths; he was only slightly feverish at 39.5 degrees C last night, but was already having trouble getting to sleep.
My arms and legs hurt from cradling Rocky for more than an hour in the clinic's waiting room.
My eyes are swollen from crying, at the thought that I might possibly never see him alive again.
But I can't get to sleep, no matter how I try. Every time my eyes close, I am racked with tears.
I've tried everything. I whipped out the Sophie Kinsella book that I'd been reading, and it was about happy wedding stuff. But then someone in the book said something like, "Does she have a cat?" and that made me cry. I went downstairs to fix myself some leftover dinner, thinking that it'd be easier to fall asleep if I were full. But then I saw Rocky's bowls in the kitchen -- his water and dinner untouched -- and I broke down again.
So I'm trying this. I'm trying to see if writing about it will help. If it will help me to stop wanting to be with my dog, to stop
***
He sat quietly on my lap, while we were in the waiting room. That never happens. Other than a diminished stamina, Rocky's like a puppy; he doesn't keep still. Not on my lap, not anywhere.
"It's gonna be okay, hon," I whispered, and gave him a peck on the head. I pulled him a little closer, wanting to cradle him, but afraid to hurt him.
Even as I said it, I didn't know if I said it to comfort him, or to convince myself. Because you know what? I'm not sure at all. I'm not sure if it's going to be okay.
posted by Laughingcow at 12:22 am
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