No more chemo
40.5 degrees C. I didn't even have to touch him to know what it was, because the symptoms were all the same. His inability to stand up without collapsing, the incontinence, the glazed look.
He's spending another night at the vet's.
***
His reaction to this second chemo treatment has been similar to that of the first. After a week or so, he starts getting bouts of vomitting and diarrhoea -- the typical side-effects -- and, of course, the fever -- which we'd not expected.
The fever could be due to an infection, a possible result of having his immune system lowered by the chemo, or it could be due to some other tumour/cancer that we don't know about, the vet said. But she was "also very puzzled about the time delay" between which the chemo is administered and the symptoms manifest.
In any case, the fact that the time frame and the post-chemo symptoms mirror each other both times is too much of a coincidence.
"You might want to re-think the chemo," she sighed. She lowered her voice a little: "He's in too much pain."
"So we have to decide if..."
"... If you want to discontinue it."
"Okay," I nodded, even though I really wanted to scream, THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF DECISION I KNOW HOW TO MAKE!
***
We're discontinuing the chemo. I think. I don't know. But it's gotten too difficult, and we can't watch him do this -- week in, week out. That's no kind of life. He's not even halfway through the treatments yet, and to put him through months more of this -- with no assurance of success afterwards, or that he will even make it long enough to complete the treatments...
***
Hopefully Rocky will be able to come home tomorrow. We'll speak more with the vet, and there might be some other way. Lowering his chemo dosage, maybe? I don't know.
There doesn't seem to be a right choice; I just want what's best for him.
But if nothing else changes from now till then, it looks like we're stopping the chemo. And part of me is already looking forward to that -- no more retching, no more soreness from the diarrhoea, no more weakness from the chemo. Maybe the cancer is all gone and everything will be back to normal. Another part of me fears that I might be wrong, and chemo may be the better choice; maybe he just has to stick it out, and then after all the pain, everything will be okay.
I don't know. I don't know how to make these kinds of decisions. I don't want to let him down.
***
There doesn't seem to be a right choice; I just want what's best for him.
He's spending another night at the vet's.
***
His reaction to this second chemo treatment has been similar to that of the first. After a week or so, he starts getting bouts of vomitting and diarrhoea -- the typical side-effects -- and, of course, the fever -- which we'd not expected.
The fever could be due to an infection, a possible result of having his immune system lowered by the chemo, or it could be due to some other tumour/cancer that we don't know about, the vet said. But she was "also very puzzled about the time delay" between which the chemo is administered and the symptoms manifest.
In any case, the fact that the time frame and the post-chemo symptoms mirror each other both times is too much of a coincidence.
"You might want to re-think the chemo," she sighed. She lowered her voice a little: "He's in too much pain."
"So we have to decide if..."
"... If you want to discontinue it."
"Okay," I nodded, even though I really wanted to scream, THIS IS NOT THE KIND OF DECISION I KNOW HOW TO MAKE!
***
We're discontinuing the chemo. I think. I don't know. But it's gotten too difficult, and we can't watch him do this -- week in, week out. That's no kind of life. He's not even halfway through the treatments yet, and to put him through months more of this -- with no assurance of success afterwards, or that he will even make it long enough to complete the treatments...
***
Hopefully Rocky will be able to come home tomorrow. We'll speak more with the vet, and there might be some other way. Lowering his chemo dosage, maybe? I don't know.
There doesn't seem to be a right choice; I just want what's best for him.
But if nothing else changes from now till then, it looks like we're stopping the chemo. And part of me is already looking forward to that -- no more retching, no more soreness from the diarrhoea, no more weakness from the chemo. Maybe the cancer is all gone and everything will be back to normal. Another part of me fears that I might be wrong, and chemo may be the better choice; maybe he just has to stick it out, and then after all the pain, everything will be okay.
I don't know. I don't know how to make these kinds of decisions. I don't want to let him down.
***
There doesn't seem to be a right choice; I just want what's best for him.
posted by Laughingcow at 8:55 pm
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