Great big hole in the ground, please
A year ago at around this time, I was doing a vacation job with a bank. Now, the department was pretty big -- 100 people? -- and even if it was physically possible to meet all of them in a span of two months, it was mentally improbable that I would remember all of their names. I'm not particularly sociable anyway, so it was that I mingled primarily with a smaller group (less than 10?); they were the ones that I worked directly with, anyway.
A shuffle in personnel towards the end of my stint meant new people joining this smaller group, people that I didn't know, and as we went for lunch one day, to kinda initiate the new members, this guy -- whom I'd seen around as part of the 100-odd people, but only exchanged the occasional smile in the office -- came up to me...
"HELLO! Hi auntie, what's your name ah?"
Now, I've been called "auntie" before, but usually only by my neighbours' children i.e. under 12 years of age, and officially by Ben, of course.Oh, and also by friends who do it just to irritate me. Okay, so I didn't expect anyone to be able to tell at a glance that I was a student under that office garb, and this guy could pass off as an undergrad anytime, but "auntie" was still pushing it.
"Do we know each other very well?" I asked him, while furrowing my eyebrows disapprovingly.
"Eh, no. That's why I'm asking for your name!"
"Don't you think it's a little bit rude to be calling someone you don't know 'auntie'?! I mean, for all you know I could be younger than you," I rolled my eyes at him.
"HUH?! Eh, I didn't call you 'auntie' leh! I said, 'HELLO, I'm Andy, what's your name?'" he clarified, half-screaming his defence.
And for the first time in my life, I understood what people mean when they say that they want a big hole to open up in the ground beneath them; oversensitive, paranoid, whatever. I really just wanted to disappear, or at least, to stop my ears from turning bright red; I could feel them burning already.
I apologised profusely, but he was too busy laughing to catch anything substantial. From that day on, Andy took it upon himself to make fun of everything I said, and, progressively, also to everything I did, and... ate. Guh.
(The story wouldn't work with any other name, so I couldn't use a pseudonym or an acronym like I usually do. Please, please, please, don't let him chance upon this entry.)
A shuffle in personnel towards the end of my stint meant new people joining this smaller group, people that I didn't know, and as we went for lunch one day, to kinda initiate the new members, this guy -- whom I'd seen around as part of the 100-odd people, but only exchanged the occasional smile in the office -- came up to me...
"HELLO! Hi auntie, what's your name ah?"
Now, I've been called "auntie" before, but usually only by my neighbours' children i.e. under 12 years of age, and officially by Ben, of course.
"Do we know each other very well?" I asked him, while furrowing my eyebrows disapprovingly.
"Eh, no. That's why I'm asking for your name!"
"Don't you think it's a little bit rude to be calling someone you don't know 'auntie'?! I mean, for all you know I could be younger than you," I rolled my eyes at him.
"HUH?! Eh, I didn't call you 'auntie' leh! I said, 'HELLO, I'm Andy, what's your name?'" he clarified, half-screaming his defence.
And for the first time in my life, I understood what people mean when they say that they want a big hole to open up in the ground beneath them; oversensitive, paranoid, whatever. I really just wanted to disappear, or at least, to stop my ears from turning bright red; I could feel them burning already.
I apologised profusely, but he was too busy laughing to catch anything substantial. From that day on, Andy took it upon himself to make fun of everything I said, and, progressively, also to everything I did, and... ate. Guh.
(The story wouldn't work with any other name, so I couldn't use a pseudonym or an acronym like I usually do. Please, please, please, don't let him chance upon this entry.)
posted by Laughingcow at 11:37 pm
5 Comments:
"..."
You paint a really good picture of a loser in your blog... but tt is not really how others perceive you in real life.
This is a puzzling comment for me, because I'm not sure why anyone would perceive me as a "loser" through this blog, or why anyone would perceive anyone else as a "loser," in any case. I also don't know how people do perceive me in real life, and can't imagine that you've taken a survey, unless you mean how you perceive me in real life? ;) But mostly I am just ridiculously uncomfortable with this whole labelling thing (it's not the first time you've used the word "loser"), so I'm going to lay it out once and for all. Perhaps this is a good opportunity to lay some groundwork.
They say that there is a difference between having people laugh with you, and having people laugh at you. I think that even in having people laugh at you, there are distinctions to be made. There are people who laugh at you because they think that they are smarter or prettier than you -- and maybe they are -- I can't say I care much about what they think. Then there are people who laugh at you because of the humour you bring, and because they know you enough to know that if the tables were turned, you would laugh at them too, and they're okay with that.
They are also the ones who -- while they make fun of you falling down every semester -- know that in an actual track competition, you can beat them flat; you have the medals to prove it. They are the ones who -- while they make fun of your unforgivable Chinese-English translations -- still turn to you to edit their reports every semester; they are the ones who know that there are no such things as "losers" and "winners" in this "game" of friendship. Well, maybe only in the sense that everyone really wins.
Strangely these behavioural patterns aren't restricted to friendship. Sometimes you just get this gut feeling about someone you barely know; most times it's nothing more than trial and error. Didn't you figure that out rather quickly? ;)
I don't do anything to deliberately incite laughter -- well, I do make the occasional joke but no one laughs at those (urgh). And I trust that most of my readership recognises that I'm not trying to "paint" any "pictures" of being victimised, at least not seriously. I hope no one thinks that I'm under any illusion -- my friends make fun of me only because I allow them to get away with it; I thought that would've been obvious. Conversely, my friends will tell you that I am quite able to hold my own, especially when certain sensibilities are not treated respectfully; if that has not been conveyed in this blog -- well, it's something that you may learn in time to come. For starters, my friends know not to use words like "retarded" flippantly when they're around me, unless they're actually referring to a medical condition. We've had our fair share of arguments and -- regretfully -- tears, but we've learnt from it and grown as a result.
Because friendship is defined by so many things: sometimes it's in how you let them laugh at you, sometimes it's in the head butts, other times it's in something as simple as how they're always there to give you a reassuring squeeze. In the end, I guess I'm pretty okay with them all. :)
See what I mean? You obviously have a blain (probably a betta one than mine) and you can definitely hold your own. Look how eloquently you wrote in response to a mere sentence I left here.
Actually my comment was a backhanded way of complimenting you. I didn't know if you caught the drift in the comments I left on BoY (remember the speak to you privately part?) and here but I was alluding more to the fact that you are a memorable character immortalized in time by those 'cowisms' and 'cow moments', especially on the blog. Question is, how is it that a highly intelligent lady like you keep falling into such situations where invariably you're either "..." or "ears turning bright red"? Thing is, people do laugh 'at' you, but you get a sense that its in good natured fun.
Mebbe... you're just a born entertainer at heart without even trying. But know this: I believe you're a really independent person with a unique set of talents that'll bring you as far as your ambitions may direct.
So how do people perceive you in real life? Am I presumptuous to assume perpetual sunshine rather than perennial loser?
Loser here means talk-to-OHP-kind-of-silly, nothing more. Sometimes I fail to realize that intonations cannot be conveyed in writing. Sorry for any misunderstanding.
I am liking this exchange. But I am also on a deadline, and I know that if I start, I'm going to ramble on and on, as you have just witnessed. :) Let me finish up my FYP report, and I'll get back to you, privately or otherwise. ;) 15 August: D-Day! And school starts tomorrow!
(Yes, I am boycotting MSN for the moment.)
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